Men are, generally speaking, so good at being cognitive beings. I witness you want to make sense of things in the mind. Rational thought has been the go-to survival mechanism in a working age.
But let me ask you this: How does a man who sits behind a computer all day know how to be with a woman? How does a man who goes to work in an office all day know how to be with a woman?
You can not THINK about being with a woman and then have intimacy actually be amazing. Thinking alone, in this case, will get you nowhere. Knowing in the mind how to be with a woman, and knowing in the body how to be with a woman, are two completely different things.
And she wants you in your body.
She wants you to know how to be with her with your body.
Therefore, men, you can improve your intimacy greatly by having a practice that gets you into your own body. What do I mean by that? Do something that makes you sweat, makes you feel in touch with your body, and makes you feel alive. Because when you can feel your whole body, you bring your whole body to intimacy, and this is what she is craving. When you are coming to intimacy primarily with cognition and a penis, sex is flat. Mechanic. Eh.
The best lover I ever had knew his body so well. He’d been using his body in work and play since he was a boy - he had never stopped. He was pure physicality, and therefore he understood that the entire body was involved in sex and intimacy. He understood the value of sensations.
Also, because of his presence and awareness in his whole body, he felt actually safer for me to trust. He knew how to touch my body, and so I could lean into his. Many women are holding patterns of trauma around sex and intimacy, and the more you are in your own body, man, and aware of yourself, it actually translates in a trusting presence to her, in part, just by your trust in your own physicality.
You become more reliable to a woman when you have a relationship to your physical body.
When I hear a woman tell me that she wants to fully surrender to her husband, and she’s asking him to “hold space” for her, and he doesn’t know how to do that - it makes me think - we need men in their bodies.
If you knew your body, you would know that you have permission to take up space in the world. That you are not just your thoughts or your dutiful performance. When a woman is asking for safe space, she’s asking for you to understand the power of the masculine within you. This energy isn’t found by thinking. It’s found by living as an embodied Man.
Break a sweat. Engage your muscles. It’s a solid start.