He was encouraging me to go deeper and I wasn't having it.
I told him he was wrong, I told him that I was tired of men telling me what I am feeling or not feeling, I told him I was sure that he was also doing that to me right at that moment.
And he sat, paused, looked at me kindly, and reflected that while it was ultimately my decision, he thought that there was a deeper layer we hadn't hit yet.
I looked at his face and knew he could see what I couldn't see. I had hired this man to be my "coach," and he was helping me to heal, and by this point at two months in, I knew I could trust him.
I said okay. And with his help, I went deeper into my resistance.
It sucked. It was uncomfortable. I didn't want to look at what I didn't want to see. (That's what resistance is after all.) A moment before, I had been HOT and mad at him and fighting like hell to prove that what he was saying wasn't even true! I could not even SEE it! And to step in and trust him and the process was uncomfortable AF. There were tears, to say the least. There was feeling things I hadn't felt and didn't want to admit.
And in that space, of total vulnerability, he leaned in and affirmed my greatness. He told me that he saw the true potential underneath. And I knew I could believe him. And I broke through. He's amazing like that.
(I do this coaching thing but I also live this growth work. Live it.)
Resistance is everywhere. It is in each of us, because we've put up walls and mechanisms for not wanting to feel what hurts. We're embarrassed of our patterns. What we're doing is working for us - but we also know deeper down that it's not. That's when you call someone like me - we guide you through the resistance.
My client said to me today, "Do you have people resist like I am?" Oh, I had a career in education - I know about resistance. You can hate me in the process of your own resistance if you need to. I am not going anywhere.
Your resistance is okay, just as mine was (and will be the next time). We all have resistance! What we choose to DO with the resistance, and how we choose to allow someone to help, is everything. It can mean the difference between years and years of stuck, or breaking through.
When I see my clients lean in and push through their resistance, and allow themselves to trust themselves and me, I swear, my heart could just rejoice. THIS is the stuff of change, loves. It's not always easy, but it's DAMN REAL. It gets you closer to where you long to be, in leaps and bounds.